better things...

It's Ryan,
just wanted to say some things because i don't blog very often.

this might get long, so please hang on... i have to say it.

There's a closet in Espen's room in our new place. It's kinda becoming a storage place for seasonal decorations, extra blankets... things that don't store well in a garage, but can't just sit out in the living room. It's also become the dwelling place for a few of my guitars. My acoustic sleeps under our bed, but there are 5 more guitars that found their home in the dark closet in Espen's room. It's the best place for them since we moved back to Dallas.

I've seen many music DVDs and interviews with artist, writers, musicians, singers... they always seem to do the interview in this great home studio where the walls are covered with vintage guitars that they've played over the years. Sometimes they'll pull one down and relive the story behind when and where they bought it. They'll go into a story about the time they played it at some big stadium, or when they used it in the studio on they're first gold record. Maybe it's a vintage electric piano, or drum kit... Whatever the instrument, i've longed for that day. The day when I'm on a music DVD, or whatever the media is in that day, and i'm talking about all the shows and the records, and i can pull down my guitars and say "i've had this one since i was 17, i bought it from a friend of mine who..." and the stories will go on and on. So i've always said to my self that i wouldn't get rid of any of my gear, and i would only collect more.

I often criticize people (to myself and lindey) about their constant quest for "things". It's especially easy to do so living in Dallas. There are people everywhere who are on this unending quest for more things, bigger stuff, newer cars, more toys... it's truly never ending. I realize that there is temporary solace in finding something new... There's nothing like getting a new car and sitting in it for the first time, taking in a deep breath of that "new car smell." It's a fun thing to open the garage and pick which ATV you want to ride that day. It's a blast going to the lake with the new boat with a bunch of friends. I like the way new cloths feel, and cool shoes, and jeans. Even as a guy, i like the idea of having a cool bag to carry my stuff around in... there were times when i had 3 or 4 to chose from. I've thought for a while that i was over that stage.

I thought that i had risen above needing the approval of people, or wanting them to notice me... i am in some areas. I don't care what someone thinks of me in most cases. I don't care if someone likes my shirt. It doesn't matter to me if you dig my shoes, or if you know that i bought them at Buffalo Exchange, and someone else used to put their feet in them... I don't care. i've worn the same jacket for the last 4 years... which was also preowned, i don't care. I wear one of two pair jeans almost every day... i don't care if you notice. I'm really over caring what you think of the way i look. I do make sure that Lindey likes what she sees, but she's about the only one that matters in that area.

Since Espen joined us in this life, i've even taken that focus further. My first priority in every situation is Espen and Lindey. Nothing that anyone else is doing or saying ranks as high the two of them. Everything else is secondary to them... of course God is my first thing, but anything else falls short. and by saying God is first, i don't by any stretch mean church. i've found that God and Church can be quite different, but that's another blog all together. My point is that if Lindey and Espen aren't welcome, don't expect me.

Back to my original point... I'm not here to impress. There are better things.

I thought i was doing good with this area of my life until i thought back over our recent move to Dallas. There were so many things to do before that move. Packing up all the 2400 square feet of our house, Renting the truck and trailer, taking care of canceling all the services that we've signed up for, making sure everyone has our new address, settling everything at our new apartment, packing the truck, hoping everything fits... on and on it went. But what was one of the last things i packed? my guitars. I didn't want them to sit out in the car and get cold. I made sure they were not stacked under things or near things that could damage them. How would that look some day on my interview if i pull out a guitar and say "this one was broken in half by an ironing board because i packed it wrong when we moved to Dallas." These are the thoughts that went through my head. so, they were packed carefully. And now they sit in my sons closet.

please hang on... i'm getting to my point.

I've had many conversations with people in the past, and often times it is said, "don't you have like 9 guitars?" or "how many guitars do you have now?" Then i'll go into the list... i'll start counting on my fingers and naming each one. "there's the '61 reissue strat, the telicaster, the telisonic, the les paul, the 1959 es330, the taylor 714ce, and the Tak. nylon string..." and so on. Then we'll go on to the guitars i still want for my "collection".

My dictionary says that "collect" means "to accumulate or store up over time." really... aren't there better things to store up?

Like i said, i thought i didn't care what people think.
but I've noticed that when i'm around musicians, i do care what they think. Secretly inside, i hope they will ask me about my gear. If they are at my house, i want them to oooh and ahhh over my stuff... my music stuff. We had a concert at our house in Houston a few months back, and a lot of musician friends were there. after the show, i couldn't wait to take them upstairs to see my music room. Couldn't wait 'til they saw the '59 Gibson... the drum kit, the 1950's piano/organ... stuff, all of it just stuff.... there are better things.

For a few months now, i've had this ongoing dialogue with my self... (that looks weird when you type it out)
It kinda goes like this:
Me: why don't you sell some of your guitars, you don't need them all, you don't play them all

Me: but if i get rid of one, how will i build my collection? I need to have a bunch so that my walls are full some day.

Me: you can get another one some day, but you only bring them out when you want to show how many you have.

so, on and on this inner discussion would go... for months...

I don't know what the final thought was that caused it, but i've resolved to get rid of some stuff. I don't need 7 guitars. Maybe some day i'll have a cool collection, but it won't be my "go to" thing when talking to my friends. It won't be a source of pride.... that's why i've kept them. i've been proud of the fact that i play guitar, and i have cool guitars to play. i don't need a bunch of toys to show off.

I've often dreamed of the day when i can sit Espen down, hand him a guitar from my collection and tell him how i got it, what it means to me, all the gigs we've done together...

i'd rather sit him down, hand him a bible, or talk to him about Jesus and tell him how i came to know Him, what He means to me, all the "gigs" we've done together... I'd rather Espen see that Christ is my favorite thing, not my guitars, or music... they're just things

so my prayer is that the Holy Spirit would continue to show me things like this...

character things...

better things...


and may He do the same in you.

simply, ryan